Douchebag of the Week

Well, I have the honor this week of presenting the prestigious Copious Vitriol Douchebag of the Week award. This week's award will present a couple firsts for Copious Vitriol. (Here's to the hope they shall also remain rare!)

First off, there is going to be a sports focus. Several of our founding members couldn't care much less about mainstream professional sports in the US, UK, elsewhere in Europe or beyond. The few of us who are, indeed, sports fans are of the ilk that tend to not take it too seriously. We are not the type who refer to any particular team or group of these people as "we" or "us." We don't tattoo obnoxious pictures, logos or clever sayings representing our voracious support of said people or team to areas of our bodies that, frankly, should be covered except when bathing. Put simply, we do not "bleed pewter and mauve (or substitute your local team's colors here)."

Second, there is not an individual DotW this time. Though there are numerous people who can be singled out in this instance, it is no one person who deserves my venom, but many.

These things being said, let us proceed . . .

Douchebag of the Week, December 26, 2008

The Douchebag of the Week is the New York Yankees professional American baseball organization. By "organization" in this case I mean everyone closely related to the team legally OR unofficially -- owners, players, rabid fans, etc. They are all at fault.

This week the Yankees tentatively signed first-baseman Mark Texeira to a contract worth a reported $180 million (or more, depending on the media report) over 8 years (he must take a physical before the contract is official). This signing falls shortly on the heels of two other huge player signings for the team -- pitchers CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett for a combined $243.5 million. For those of you without a calculator at the ready, that totals over $423 million for just three players.

To put these "purchases" in perspective, ponder these few facts. First, a professional American baseball team can have 25 players on their roster at any time. For just these three, the Yankees have nearly a half-billion dollars wrapped up in contract commitments. Next, in the past year another professional American baseball team -- the Milwaukee Brewers -- were sold to a new owner for less than $250 million. That's for the WHOLE TEAM, including the players, staff, etc., etc. and yes, they do play in the same league as the Yankees (Major League Baseball or "MLB"). As a matter of fact, the Milwaukee Brewers are the most recent team the aforementioned Mr. Sabathia pitched for. Also, if instead of committing the $400-plus million to these three contracts, the Yankees organization had purchased General Motors stock, they would own well over 25% of the corporation (this little tidbit was passed on to me over turkey and wine this week and I HAVE NOT checked its validity, but the person who told me is typically reliable, so there it is). Finally, the current roster salary for the entire Florida Marlins team for 2008 according to ESPN.COM is less than $25 million and there are 20 MLB teams with an overall salary of less than $100 million for the year.

Why does any of this matter? Free Enterprise is the name of the game after all, right? If the fans and the economy can sustain such ridiculous overspending, who cares? When looking at just those questions, I couldn't agree more. However, we cannot suspend reality and limit the analysis to this simplistic view. The problem is what this drunken excess says to the nation and the world. This is a rare time in the United States. We are at a point that most of us have only read about but could never imagine. It's a time when a staggering number of families are struggling to put food on the table, if they can still afford to have a table. It's a time when the entire financial infrastructure we have grown to take for granted is on the brink of collapse and the American auto industry cannot afford to keep their doors open. When retail giants nationwide are closing their doors and millions of Americans are without jobs. This is a time when some of the wealthiest Americans recognize how fortunate they are and are giving back at record rates and others of the elite are crashing down to the level of us -- the Humble Average.

And in the middle of all this, there stands the New York Yankees, arrogantly snubbing their nose at the condition of the country and the typical sports fan. They believe they are above all that. They have the audacity to exercise their elitist attitude during the Christmas holiday, a time when all too many of us are faced with the reality that we can't spend the way we would like in order to provide that materialistic happiness to our children that would make us proud. The New York Yankees believe they are entitled to live the way they want no matter what because they don't have to worry about consequences. And, sadly enough, they are correct.

So, here's to you, New York Yankees! You are, without a doubt, the Douchebags of the Week.